do you remember that song that Alanis Morisette sang called Ironic ? here’s an excerpt ::
“a traffic jam when you’re already late,
a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break,
it’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife,
it’s meeting the man of my dreams
and then meeting his beautiful wife.”
although many of us may deny listening to, much less enjoying and memorizing, Morisette’s songs, i will not. i grew up in seattle, for god’s sake.
i thought of this song a couple of weeks ago when i decided to purchase a brand new pair of headphones. they weren’t an extravagant purchase by any means, but buying them would afford me to listen to music on my phone while i walked around town. and that, to me, is a great gift. you are able to drift into your own little world for a while. i’ve always equated this experience with being in a music a video. i feel like everyone who walks around with their cute little white ear buds is, on the inside, totally feeling like a rockstar. before you know it, you’re walking to the beat of the music swelling in your ears and maybe even bobbing your head. it’s hard not to feel just a little bit awesome.
after purchasing my new headphones, i plugged them into my phone and listened to some music while i was at work (i was neck deep in a computer program that required my undivided attention). when it was time for my hour lunch break, i paused my music, gathered my stuff, found some lunch, and wandered over to some steps where i planned to eat, conquer a crossword puzzle, and rock out with my new head phones.
when i went to turn my music on, my phone’s screen was black. the battery was not dead (i’d confirmed this before leaving work). i repeatedly clicked that little circle at the base of my phone and, to my dismay, discovered it was not going to turn on no matter how hard i pushed it or how loudly i cursed at it. and isn’t that ironic ?
if i could go back in time and rename that song, i would probably just call it Hilarious and Annoying. things like this happen to me (and let’s face it, all of us) all the time. you make an effort to improve some portion of your life (big or small) and within moments, your good intentions have been denied, evoked, what-have-you. i find that more than ironic, sorry Alanis.
so, just two nights ago, i was once again reminded of this song. i had been at my roommate’s graduation that afternoon, entirely under-dressed for the event. wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and a jean vest (and i repeat, i’m from seattle for god’s sake), i felt like a sore thumb among the men in their suits and ties and the women in their skirts and heels. after the ceremony, i’d planned on heading to a mall a couple of blocks away to purchase a nose ring.
about once every two years my nose ring decides to disappear. anyone with a nose ring knows what i’m talking about. it’s like losing your socks in the dryer. there’s no logical explanation for it, they just decide to one day up and leave without any warning. while walking through this mall, i walked passed a store that i just so happened to have an unused gift card at. having just been surrounded by skirts and heels, i think the girl in me felt this need to redeem myself by buying something feminine.
after spotting a pair of undeniably amazing heels that were half-off, i pounced. i tried them on, bought them, and walked out of the store wearing them – feeling entirely redeemed, female, and confident. they are a good four inches tall, but very comfortable.
i left the mall, made it half way across the main drag of san francisco’s downtown, Market Steet, and caught my heel in one of the cable car tracks. i feel directly onto the pavement, knees first.
although i did not hit my head, i felt a flash of pain so intense i had a split second black out. some fellow pedestrians helped me up from my on-my-knees-and-palms stance and i walked onward. my knees were sore. my left knee had lost some skin, but i wasn’t bleeding. and my moment of blackout left as fast as it had come. i was able to walk home without much pain and figured i was fine, assuming i might be a little sore come the next morning.
that evening, while watching a movie, i fell asleep on the couch around ten at night. i awoke around three in the morning to go to bed. my knees ached a bit, but no more than i had expected. as i stood up to go to bed, my knees locked and i yelped in pain and flung myself on my bed. i lay on the mattress in severe pain. i couldn’t straighten my legs. i needed to use the bathroom, but i couldn’t walk. i could only lay there with my legs at a ninety degree angle, one tear after another falling from my eyes and one curse word after another falling from my mouth.
after three hours of tears and throbbing pain i decided that instead of waiting to see a doctor, i should probably visit the E.R.
so i sit here this evening, with both legs raised after learning that i have a hairline fracture in my left leg’s fibula and a chipped bone on my right knee’s patella. i’m on crutches with not one, but two, knee braces and i don’t find this ironic. i find this both hilarious and annoying. hilarious only because it’s easier to cry than it is to laugh and annoying because really ? i bought myself a new pair of heels (to boost my sense of self) and after three minutes of wearing them i ended up with not one, but two fractures.
there’s no nice way to end this story. i thought having stitches in san francisco was a pain in the a**, but crutches, fractured bones, and two knee braces ? give me stitches any time over this.
but don’t worry, i’m still laughing. and trust me, i’ve got plenty of people laughing
at with me, too.
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