Tag Archives: absence

let them eat cake.

you can have your cake and eat it, too.

:: this is most often used negatively, to connote the idea of consuming a thing whilst managing to preserve it. it may also indicate having or wanting more than one can handle or deserve, or trying to have two incompatible things ::

(thanks, wikipedia.)

there was an incident recently, where in, a man with a pink cake box (half open with a plastic white fork piercing a sloppy mess of what appeared to be the remains of a third of a vanilla cake) approached and offered me said cake. the man himself was covered in frosting. and i mean covered. it was everywhere.

was he homeless? i think so, he certainly looked and acted the part. i was minding my own business on the Peter Macchiarini steps, also known as ‘the stairway to san francisco.’ i wouldn’t really call them that myself. it’s basically a really steep street with two sidewalks on either side that are, well, steps instead of flat ground because they are so steep. there’s nothing particularly stunning about them. they provide a nice-ish view of the city, but nothing you’d think the average tourist would wet his pants over (even though tourists tend to flock there with their cameras, but they always look a bit disappointed after they take their many pictures).

he was pretty f*cking serious about sharing that cake with me. i politely and then not so politely declined his offer(s) more than once before gathering my things to move along and find another place to kill the remaining forty minutes of my lunch break (which is more difficult than it sounds because have you ever noticed how hard it is to find ‘somewhere to sit’ when you are really looking for one?). upon my departure of these steps he very loudly demanded a cigarette from me. notice i used the word demanded, not asked. it was at this point that, for the first time in my life, i reprimanded a homeless person. i actually had the what-have-you to tell him to “use his manners” and “say please.” part of me was ready to bolt in the event he didn’t appreciate my ‘tude (attitude, that is) and another part of me was painfully curious to see how he’d react to such a reprimand and ‘good manners’ reminder. he looked a little bewildered by what i had said, but he was entirely submissive. i had, apparently, caught him off guard. he, quite simply, replied “may i please have a cigarette?” i was in such disbelief myself that i blindly handed him one from my pack and proceeded to bolt across broadway, knowing that there was no way he could chase me without dropping that cake box, and trust me, he was gripping that cake box like a mother might grip a lost child she’d just found, holding on for dear life.

(i have a confession :: although i did not eat that cake, it really did look delicious and i really was tempted.)

now i feel the need to explain my absence from this blog-world because i had gotten into the habit of writing every week (if not more). as we all know, that thing called life tends to get in the way, so let me summarize as best i can ::

i certainly can’t blame cake-man (not a far cry from caveman, eh?) for my blog neglect (er, blogect?). hot d*mn i’m feeling clever this afternoon (stay tuned for more wicked word combinations). my room became uncontrollably messy just as my life did. these two things always seem to coincide with each other and i do not think that it’s a coincidence. halloween happened, which was ok. my outfit was great, but the holiday itself lacked the usual gusto i have gotten so used to on the thirty first of october. the people of san francisco just don’t seem to pray to the halloween gods as much as the people of new york city seem to. it was so bad that i nearly didn’t dress up, which would have meant that for the first time in my life (twenty seven short years) i didn’t dress up. i decided that that was unacceptable, so i dressed up with a friend and had a rather tame evening walking around town in an effort to show off my costume. i dressed as Mrs. Mia Wallace, known better as ‘Uma Thurman’s character from Pulp Fiction.’ her character after she unknowingly snorts a line of heroine (oops). so i donned a white button up shirt, black slacks, and a bloody nose (and a syringe protruding from my chest). a great costume, but not my favorite halloween. sigh, these things happen.

and after the end of october? i don’t really know what happened. i was busy jogging, working, and painting. a friend came into town. my schedule at work changed for a week while my manager was out of town. and then my job title at work changed (and i received a raise)(both of which are terribly exciting!). and then i was invited to participate in not one, but three, group shows that are all set to open in the first week of december. you know, life stuff.

today i sit here at my desk this afternoon wearing a bright blue beanie (gifted to me by roommate, er rather he didn’t want it so i got it), a scarf (obtained from a thrift store in Stockholm), and paint covered sweatshirt and sweatpants with my best friend on my lap (my cat, Alaska). it’s been raining for the last day or two here in san francisco. a seattle sort of rain that makes you cold to the bone, but it feels good. it feels cozy to be inside surrounded by my favorite music and paints. i only realized this morning at 11:30am (after a thirty minute jog, coffee, and hot shower) that it was sunday not monday. which means that i didn’t have a meeting at 2:30, a haircut at 3:3o, another meeting at 5:00, and dinner at 7:00. it means that all i have to do for the rest of the day is paint. and i can’t tell you how happy that makes me.

next week i will tell you all about my plans to ignore this coming thursday the twenty fourth of november, Thanksgiving.

jessi

 

 

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Filed under design, illustration (both acrylic and oilt), photography

carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero. (yes, i’m still alive & kicking).

the title of this post means the following (roughly translated from Latin) ::

seize the day, trusting as little as possible in the future.

future tattoo. why ? why get such a message permanently inked onto my skin ? and why now ?

well, there are many reasons. some may think it is a bit cryptic or pessimistic. however, when i first read this i felt hopeful if not on the verge of optimistic. i consider myself to be a realist at heart with a dash of optimism. i strongly believe that everything happens for a reason.

i believe in seizing the day. who’s to say i won’t be struck and killed by a bus tomorrow morning ? i’m really not trying to be a debbie downer here. i promise. i do not have a death wish and i am not suicidal, but i do believe in living every day as if it were your last. as hard we try to control our future(s) on this earth, there really is no way to control them. sure, we might choose a certain career, pick a certain major at school, live in a certain city, yadda yadda, but ultimately our fate is not completely in our control.

by the way, i’m not a hippie.

this leads me to why i have been so absent from this blog (i really hate the term ‘blog’ :: apologies to fellow ‘bloggers’) er site for nearly an entire month (*sigh*). after what could have been a serious health scare, i had a major self re-evaluation of my own life. no, i was not about to die, but… the scare was certainly significant enough to make me re-think the way i have been living my life. from the amount of sleep i get (or, i suppose, lack) to what i consume on a regular basis (from alcohol to cigarettes to food, etc.). after my ‘scare’ (ok, ok, i’ll keep the mystery out of this :: on the 10th of August i suffered two grand mal seizures thanks to a medication i was taking), it took me about two weeks to recover from it. i’ve suffered several concussions (thank you, horse back riding) in my life and after those seizures – it felt like i’d had a serious concussion. my short term memory was more or less shot (and it still is to some degree), i had a terrible headache, and i just felt completely off. unless you’ve experienced this, you will not entirely understand it. it’s almost like vertigo and a concussion had a love child, that’s the best way to describe it and as a result i did not ride a horse for nearly five weeks and i cannot legally drive for six months (which, by the way, kinda puts a damper on someone who relies on their car to get everywhere :: including the beautiful city of San Francisco when i move there come the first week of October).

once i’d more or less come out of my blah from the seizures, two people in my life passed away. one suddenly from a horrific accident and the other was a close member in the family. i ended up attending two funerals in the space of one week and spending seven days in Montana (where the family was and where one of the funerals took place). so, yeah, has it been a bit of a shi**y month? yah, sure, you betcha, but it can only go up from here, right?

(an illustration made a couple of years ago that more or less sums up how i am feeling these days) ::

so i’ve been painting. and painting. and painting. i’ve been a horrible business woman. i’ve more or less neglected many emails and requests from potential clients as i dealt with my own health issues and then the loss of two people in my life. i move south in roughly three weeks. i am nowhere near ready, but i will keep my eyes ahead and continue to put one foot in front of the other because come h*ll or high water, by the first week of October, I will be a resident of San Francisco.

and another little piece i painted in the midst of all this ::

that, my friends, is all i’ve got for now. i am happy to report i am currently working on a project for a local business right now and do feel as though i am slowly finding my freelance feet again. i thank you for your patience and i’ll see you soon. lots of exciting things in the near future and quite a few paintings i will be finishing up this week that i am eager to share.

i wish you all good health, happiness, and a beautiful ending to your respective summers. i can’t believe fall is already here.

[digital design for tattoo][mixed media on paper][acrylic on paper]

jessi

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Filed under design, illustration (both acrylic and oilt)