Tag Archives: sick

in over fifteen years

i mentioned in my last post that my sister and a special someone is coming down to San Francisco this weekend to see me. his name is Nils. he is from Germany and he is my half brother, one of my father’s two sons from his first marriage.

i haven’t seen Nils in over fifteen years. i spoke to him on the phone the other day for the first time in over fifteen years. if you’ve never had an experience like this, there are simply no words to describe it or do it any justice. it was exhilarating and completely surreal. for the first time in over fifteen years, my sister (Svenja), Nils, and i will be sleeping under the same roof. i keep pinching myself because i never thought this day would come.

when you grow up like i did, you get used to not having an extended family. my (blood) family in the states has only ever consisted of me, my mom, my dad, and my sister. a family dinner never extended beyond the four of us. i’ve never had one of those christmas days where you shuttle around from one relative’s house to another because there were never any relatives to pay a visit to. there were only boxes to pack and send across the pond to our extended family, with high hopes of christmas and birthday pressies alike reaching them in time. and i give my mom full credit for doing all of that.

this weekend will be amazing. i need to purchase a roll of film (ok, rolls) pronto because i need to record it as best i can.

i went to the doctor today. as i had suspected, i have both bronchitis and sinusitis. antibiotics are already swimming around my stomach and a bottle of codeine infused cough syrup is on hand for enjoying a night of cough free sleep. i am also eating vitamins and cold medication like it is going out of style, so if this post seems a little foggy and lacking my usual gusto – that’s why.

the above drawing was inspired by a song my roommate shared with me. it’s a love song, in case you couldn’t tell by the one lyric i wrote down next my drawing of a cow, er bull. why didn’t i draw a bear ? beats me.

i was also told that if were to ever have a child it would come into this world wearing sunglasses and a scarf. two things you will rarely find me without even on the warmest and most cloudy of days.

time for a nap. over and out.

[micron on paper]



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Filed under design, illustration (both acrylic and oilt)

i can’t sleep

i’m sick. in the eight months that i’ve lived in San Francisco, i’ve been legitimately sick three times.

when i lived in New York for four years, i was sick about twice a year.

when i lived in Seattle as a kid, i was sick all of the time. but in the three years between New York and San Francisco, i was sick only a few times with very minor sniffles that could hardly be considered a real cold. i never missed a day of work because of it.

San Francisco. there must be something in the water here. or the air. i know that cities aren’t the kindest environments for our immune systems with the bacteria and mold flying around. my immune system also happens to be on the weak side. my white blood cell count is well below average for a normal human being and has been this way since i was a child. i take vitamins daily. i drink plenty of water. i wash my hands on the regular. clearly, my habits were rewarded in Seattle. but here in San Francisco, no such luck. i think i’ve been coughing since November. off and on, of course. i received antibiotics in February for both bronchitis and sinusitis. i may have to go back to the doctor in the next couple of weeks if this newest plague doesn’t subside soon.

however, this time around, i have to make a confession. it was likely self-induced. we have been working our asses off moving an art store. this past weekend, i got four hours of sleep three nights in a row. this wasn’t even intentional. i almost wish i had a good story to tell you about how hard i’ve been partying. but alas, i do not. i’d slip into bed at 10:30, with my alarm set for 6:30am. and then i would toss and turn. i’d read. i’d talk to my cat. i’d think. and then think some more. i even cried a few times out of frustration at not being able to fall asleep. i cried for other reasons, too. before i knew it, 2:30am had rolled around and that is the last number i remember seeing on the clock.

there’s nothing worse than being unable to sleep. i was a professional insomniac for many years. those days are behind me now, but i still have fits of insomnia here and there when life becomes too chaotic. and rationally, i know that there is nothing you can do from your bed at 1:14am. it is pointless to worry about things, but yet i still do. and i know am not alone in this. it’s the wheels turning syndrome. i have wished, on many occasions, that there was a light switch in my head that i could use at bedtime to turn my brain off. i’ve yet to have this dream come true so i continue to muddle along, attempting to control the uncontrollable from my single mattress at one in the morning. when you wake up from little sleep, you feel hungover. whether or not a drop of alcohol has passed through your lips anytime before falling to sleep, you will feel hungover from lack of sleep. your brain hurts. your body aches. and every cell that is holding you together is screaming at you to stay in bed and sleep.

i want to recover by this weekend. nay, i need to. not only is my sister coming to visit, but come friday morning – someone who i have not seen in over fifteen years will be here to see me. i am so excited for his arrival it makes me squeal and squirm with the thought of it. i can’t even go into detail about it. but i am beyond excited. until then..Nyquil.


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Filed under Year of the Pig Studio // San Francisco, CA